it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
