roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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