There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize