Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
