he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
