Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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