toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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