Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
