I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
