If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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