tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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