i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize