Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
