I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
