So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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