A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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