Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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