We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
