I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
