i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
