Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
