Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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