Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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