im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
