well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
