How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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