the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
