my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
