im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
