I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
