Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
3pm strippers are depressing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
