Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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