just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
