having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
