God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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