U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Umm I'm too high to move.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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