I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
