it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
