I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
