"it" just moved
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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