I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
