Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
