well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
