You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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