I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Randomize
