Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
