You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
