They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
