I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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