3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
