sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
