Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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