Cold hands, warm shart.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Green mimosas i think yes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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