drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
