I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
