I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
