it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
