I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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