I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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