two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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