Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
