Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
