So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
