: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
