This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
