My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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