dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
