CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
