I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
