this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize